NORAH IS 1!!!! A Video & A letter!

So my little angel turned 1 year old a few days ago and this momma is sooooo excited to have had the opportunity to watch this little girl grow in her first year of life. She is amazing in so many ways and has astounded Paul and I almost on a daily basis. I never knew I wanted to be a mother until I met the man of my dreams and most undoubtedly knew that we wanted kiddos together. I guess that's why we didn't wait very long after we got married. It felt right and we knew we were as ready as we were gonna be.

 

The journey has had bumps and bruises along the way; however, it's been the most amazing, life-changing, inspiring adventure that we've ever been through.

Here's a little video & picture representation of our journey....

Norah's 1 - - - Our Journey

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And a little letter to my love:

Dear Norah,
 
My sweet little angel! You have transformed me...more than I ever thought was possible. My selflessness with you has proved more than I thought myself capable. I transformed into someone who thinks, loves & cares for you over everything else. I've learned how to juggle (metaphorically) of course between learning you, even when it means letting you cry 2 nights ago when you were fighting daddy and I to go to sleep. I was there with you...watching your every angry move & cry, crying right along with you. Your daddy and I have a world full of love to show you!!! We can't wait for the journey ahead but I felt it fitting to take a small pause in our very hectic lives right now to jot down a few feelings about this momentous occasion.

Almost 1 year ago today I was finally feeling the real contractions, not any of those Braxton hicks, that would help me push you into this world and that would let daddy & I hear that first amazing scream of a cry. My goodness you have some lungs on you. That day started our journey together as a family. We have watched you develop so quickly before our eyes and been marveling at your tenacity, drive & intelligence. You've been milestones ahead of all of my weekly baby updates and because of this daddy & my own parenting abilities have been tested at times, the first set of many I'm sure. 

Your character, your desire for exploration & food have been such a joy to watch! I'm continuously thinking of things we 'must share with Norah'! I guess that's why daddy saved you an email address norahstpierre@gmail.com so we can share things now so we won't have to store them all up...because life is going so quickly these days and we don't want to forget anything...you know old people. Thank goodness for accessibility to video, pictures and all things to document our fun journey as a family. We try to focus on the good primarily although we'll get through any of the tough times as a family too!   

I love watching you play with some of your favorite toys, the little piano that makes little star pieces fly up when you hit the keys, your drums, the random leprechaun pen that punches, your baby doll stroller & anything else you can fit in your hands...

You love bath time, except when mommy gets soap in your eyes or when daddy dumps your rinse pale on you half drowning you. Lol! As long as you are able to be free to explore and mommy and daddy are close by you are a pretty content little girl, although eating at restaurants has become quite the stressor for us lately. You do not like to be immobilized. Lol. 

You've been desperately trying to talk and have mastered just a few words, the most unmistakable and hilarious is your 'whhhhaaaT?' This seems to be your response to everything. Your first 'official' world was dada though. Your daddy was worried I would be upset that your first word wasn't momma but I know how much that man means to both of us so I'm grateful that you said that first. I was actually quite a treat for me to watch you yell it at my iPhone when we facetimed daddy who was training for his new job. You were empathic! So sweet!

I can already tell that food is going to be an awesome ongoing experiment and exploration for you and our family. You have favorites like mango, grapes, string cheese...but you've been a great eater for us most days, sometimes eating a whole pack of babyfood in 3 min flat.  Quite impressive! No puréed meats for you though and I don't blame you...that stuff is awful! 

You are still a little thing, which we assumed you would be. You're average for weight and head circumference but you're kind of a little shorty, only in the 12% percentile for height on your 1st birthday! But daddy and is aren't super tall people so you for right in :)

I strive to teach you much about our world but I don't think I could give you any greater gift than to give you roots to grow & wings to fly...

 

...and I will do so until the day I die!!!

 

All of these things may interest you when you're older and curious about what you were like as a baby, much as I was curious about myself. But just know this: Norah Renee St. Pierre, whom I carried and created with your amazing daddy, I love you more than I love life itself! You are my heart! ...& the saying that I found when we were proofing your newborn photos 'Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is the decision to forever have your heart walking around outside your body!' by Elizabeth stone, is so true!  

 

I love you angel!

- Your mommy

 

Hickory Bourbon Chicken Salad Sliders, Kale Chips & Apple Chips

So I LOVE Stubb's BBQ sauce...have you tried the stuff? Mmmm! The spicy version is my absolute favorite but I made some Hickory Bourbon Chicken Salad Sliders that were pretty epic. Lol. I had these along with some homemade Kale chips and Granny Smith Apple chips for lunch. Pretty tasty!Recipe as follows:

1 can 14 oz Tyson Chicken
2 TBSP Mayo
Pinch of salt
1/8 TSP of pepper
2 TBSP Hickory Bourbon Stubb's BBQ sauce
Mini Rolls
Dill pickles or Sweet Relish

Slice in half and toast rolls. Combine chicken, mayo, salt, pepper and 1 TBSP BBQ sauce or to taste. Spread 1 TBSP BBQ sauce on toasted mini rolls, pile on a heaping layer of the chicken mixture, add dill pickles and enjoy!

 

 

Apple Chips: Slice 3lb of Granny Smith Apples, bake at 275 for an hour, turn and continue to bake at 225 for another hour and a half.

Left side has a little bit of cinnamon and sugar. Right side is just plain apples.

Enjoy!

 

Kale chips - the snack food for those that NEED crunch! Take two bunches of kale, washed and thoroughly dried. Sprinkle with 2-4 tbsp olive oil and toss. Bake at 250 for 20 minutes, turn and bake at 225 for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with salt and pepper as soon as you remove them from the oven. Enjoy!

Life's Motherhood Rat Race ---- Am I winning?

Life has it's ups and downs but lately the rat-race has proved to be more than I WANT to handle these days...

As I sit here thinking of our care-free weekend ahead of us without any expectations, obligations or requirements except what I, well WE want to do, I think about how nice it would be not to have to endure the rat-race of the coming week, to stay at home and live a simpler life. BUT other than the question of whether or not my immensely long to-do list will ever be complete, I ponder is it for me...?

......That is the question.....

I've given this idea much thought and discussed it and cried about it and prayed about it and pondered it and discussed it some more (why I'm writing this). Either way you are giving up something and gaining something else. It's a trade-off of the most imperative kind. But what does the future hold? What will Norah and our family NEED in the coming years? More financial solidity created by both mommy & daddy working? Or more flexible family time created by a stay at home parent?

I'm COMPLETELY torn....

On one hand I love having a career and being a part of a successful team that helps 'get the job done.' However, on the other hand I want to be home with Norah, having play dates and going to the zoo in the middle of the day (although not in the summer), able to take a breath of fresh air every now and again, go to the grocery store, etc. Right now I spend literally a few minutes in the morning smooching and playing with Norah before I rush off to work and I get 45min-2hrs on a good day with her at night. She is growing up so fast in front of me because 90% of the time during the week I'm away from her. I thought the idea of being away from her would slowly fade away with time. I know she is being well taken care of. I know she is a well-adjusted happy little girl...just wake her up in the morning and you can see the meaning of absolute JOY! However, it is MY time with her that is suffering. Suffering for a good reason? Yes! But that does not change the mommy hurt! Not at all! (these are the images that race through my head as I work)

 

 

What options do I have? What future am I setting up? It's all in question for me right now...

 

If $ wasn't part of the equation, I think this would be a much easier answer. But like 99.9999999% of all people finances do play a BIG role in this decision. I keep thinking about the article of a surgeon turned mother who quit her very successful $250K job to be a stay at home mommy. Unfortunately my job doesn't quite pay me that much but the loss of my income would still have a significant impact on our family. Whether or not our family needs me to stay at home and lose my income is a huge deal. Paul and I have plans to pay off debt, first and foremost, and buy a new home, somewhere we can have a more permanent placement in. Houston isn't a bad place to live but the Houston Independent School District leaves something to be desired. So buying a home close to the med center/not very far from downtown sounded appealing coming from Austin but it's now become somewhat of a sore point for me. A home is 'supposed' to be an asset, supposed to leave you with the pride of ownership. Instead I feel as if I made some kind of mistake by buying this home. It's been upside down in the market for the last couple of years due to the countrywide housing . Unfortunately, our area has NOT recovered enough for us to be able to sell it for what we NEED to in order to make that coveted move. So we push that off...hopefully not for much longer.

On the other hand, our debt, AKA my debt (school loans) are eating away at me. The decision ultimately to become a stay at home mom is almost out of reach merely because of the student loans I still have. Nothing like getting a good education to saddle yourself with 20+ years worth of debt right? I made a commitment to pay off my student loans far more quickly than the recommended time frame in order to save $$$$$$$$$$ of dollars in interest. It's the right decision to pay off this debt before making any other major moves...however, it's killing me that I can't stay home with my angel. Who wouldn't want to stay home with this little booger??? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>




So what's the alternative?


Well I have come up with a pretty solid one, I hope! One that I'll elaborate more about later. But I'm venturing out on my own. Starting a business so that I can be my own boss, set my own hours, do my own thing and be there for Norah WAYYYYYYYY more!

I'm going to start slow and build it up into something that can subsidize our income, all the while having my full-time job (for now) so that we can finish paying off our debt. It's amazing what you can do if you put your noggin to it! I'm so excited about the prospect of what it'll mean for our family and I feel like it'll give me the best of both worlds: some income but more importantly the freedom to be a part-time stay at home mommy!

Stay tuned for more details about the biz...

Test Scores are in...I can call myself a CPA!!!

The time has come!!!

The tests are over!!!

Now all that's left to do is think about how difficult it's been to get to this point and to CELEBRATE!!!

I finally got my last test score and passed with an 81! I passed all 4 parts, after retaking a few of them and spending quite a bit of money on the tests and study material.

BUT now I'm able to submit my final paperwork to get my CPA certification and it feels amazing!!!! I can now hold my head up high and call myself a CPA!!!

And although I'm riding an amazing high , feeling incredibly accomplished and satisfied I will also remember how difficult it was to put aside what I 'wanted' to do and study. And the heartbreak of receiving back scores that were not passing grades after I had studied so hard and sacrificed so much just to start again and tell myself that I can do it. Paul was amazing for that! He's been such an amazing support for me through everything, but definitely in the moments that I was feeling lower than low and he told me: "It's going to be ok, get back on the horse, you've got this!" I believed in myself, in part, because he believed so strongly in me! So grateful for that!

It was something I set out to accomplish as soon as I finish school but have had hiccups along the way for one reason or another. Life has definitely been full of adventures, blessings & hardships but I can now say that I've made it to the other side where I'd like to be. Surgery, wedding, honeymoon & now baby were all pleasant distractions along the way among the many other parties, outtings, etc. that took place. I can now say that all the nights of studying on the couch while Paul watched TV and spending my lunch break at work studying instead of going out with the 'girls' now means something.

I'm hoping this is a great addition to my career and can be utilized in the future, whatever the future entails. But for right now I'm just going to sit and stew in the proud moment of accomplishing something so incredibly difficult with only myself to blame and only myself to REWARD! :)

...and with a pass/fail rate of 49/51 roughly I can say that I've beaten the odds by studying the material on my own and passing two of the 4 tests on the first try (only a 5% chance of that).

...and getting married, having a baby and having my gallbladder out hasn't stopped me from accomplishing my GOALS! I couldn't be more proud of myself!!!

Norah is 5 months old!

Norah is 5 months old today! Ok you got me....yesterday! (I was close though) ;)

Happy 5 months baby girl!!! You are truly AMAZING!!!

Weight: 15.2lbs.

Length: ~25inches long

Major Accomplishments thus far: rolling over (both sides & both ways), sitting up assisted and unassisted for brief periods of time & eating rice cereal & sweet potatoes

I can't believe the wonderful amazing changes that have taken place in Paul and my life over the last 5 months. Well + the pregnancy time so 14 months. Here are a few milemarkers that we've seen/noted since she was 5 weeks old.

• Back to work :(

I went back to work when Norah was 8 weeks old. That was a HUGE challenge. Just ask any mother who's been in the same position. I tried to come up with any and every way possible to justify staying home with her. I tried to make it work. Even thought about owning my own daycare so that I could take care of her full-time. It just seemed like I was forcing a round peg into a square hole. Right now, working is what is in the cards...only time will tell if that will ever change. I just told myself that I have to live in each moment and relish the moments I get to spend with her. Like when she holds my fingers so hard so that I can't leave her...

• Daycare/Breastfeeding: Going back to work also meant that baby girl had to start daycare. Mrs. Alex, Mrs. Cookie & all of the staff are really sweet and take good care of baby girl. They give us newbie parents some much needed advice about babies at times. I think they're a great sounding board considering they 'raise' babies for a living. Although it was incredibly hard at first, for Paul and I, I'm not ashamed to say that I balled like a baby the first time I dropped her off at daycare. That was not fun! God creates such a strong bond between a momma bird and her baby bird that it just SUCKS to have that bond stretched ( I REFUSE to say break because our bond definitely isn't broken). ;) I can honestly say that breastfeeding has been an amazing experience after going back to work. It definitely keeps our bond strong and helps momma feel like Norah still reallyyyyyyyy needs me! (see pic below ;) )
  

• Playing: She's been rolling over for about 7 weeks or so now from her belly to her back. She's also learned how to roll over from her back to her belly (seemingly more difficult) in the past few weeks. So now she's able to 'chase' her toys when they are put out of her reach. I tried not to type this as if she was chasing a ball like a puppy but hey...

Video of me making her giggle (one of my favorite things she does) & her rolling over

She's been rising to a sit position with minimal help and sitting up on her own. It's a whole new POV for her and she's able to play for a lot longer on the floor because of this. She loves her bumbo and so do we... ;)

• Food: Norah's become soooooo curious about us eating lately. I can't even eat and nurse her anymore or she just stops to see what I'm doing. She looks at daddy as if he were performing a magic trick when he makes a chip disappear into his mouth. We've given her rice cereal a few times in her bottle, mixed with breastmilk, and she's taken it no problems. We've tried to spoon feed it to her as well which she seemed to handle ok, except for the awful face she made, but to her credit it was absolutely disgusting (yes I tried it...it was only mixed with formula...calm down!) ;)

SOOOOOO.....we gave her the first taste of real food yesterday. She had pureed sweet potatoes. YUMMM! Not sure if she completely liked it but she ate it :)








Here's a cute video of her very first feeding!

Sleepy Time: She's doing awesome at going to sleep these days. I used to have to nurse her into a deep sleep every time. Now most days I can just lay her in her crib when she gets tired and she falls asleep. We've figured out now since she can roll over on her own and has in order to go to sleep that she REALLY does want to sleep on her tummy so we've abandoned the idea of swaddling/sleeping on her back altogether. We're still getting up a few times in the middle of the night for nursing/cuddling mommy time but otherwise we are getting MUCH more sleep than before. It's wonderful!

I think the most impressive things that we've experienced however, is the confidence in having a baby out in public or just in a place that is not our little house sanctuary where we've got all the toys/gadgets that help entertain, calm her etc.

 

Like her new swing we affixed to the house (for lack of large trees in our yard)

I think this was one of our biggest goals in parenthood - make sure that you have a life (modified of course) outside of having your little one. We didn't want to be hermits, confined only to our quarters. We've made a huge attempt in this and have hosted dinner parties, had friends over several times, been out and about several times. We make sure we're on a good solid schedule for her, always maintaining the same consistencies with when we put her to sleep, etc. However, we are living our modified lives and loving it. I guess it helps and is a noteworthy point to say that Norah is an AMAZING baby. She loves people and doesn't have a problem being passed off to the 7th person in the same hour. She's a trooper.

How I see things overall...

...how I phrased it to Paul just recently seems fitting: "during baby bootcamp she was training us. Rightfully so. We knew NOTHING! But now as we've learned our little girl and what she likes and dislikes it's time to train her to be our little girl too. We have to show her that traveling, spending time with people, going to and fro is all a part of our lives. I can only imagine how much more difficult this will be when there are multiple kiddos but for now our little family is happy, healthy and thriving!!!

Four years ago...

Four years ago my tragedy ended

I cannot forget but I have learned to be mended

 Slowly I picked up the pieces of my shattered life

Tossed, churned & jagged these small pieces were proof of my strife

The anxiety & guilt were all that remain

How does life go on & one now sustain?

Such tragedy not many know so young

Wept tears for the end, deeply reminded as I sung

Vince Gil's, Go Rest High...

May times I listened and tried not to cry

Only now the memories serve as reminder of the strength I carry

No longer shamed am I to have them to bury

I look back at my shattered life from a place from high above

Flying blissfully, without fear, like a dove

I no longer feel regret, sadness or guilt

For I have worked hard not to forget the character that I’ve since built

Without sadness or fear that I did wrong

For God walked with me...and I still hear his beautiful song

Jesus loves me, Yes he Does!

In sadness he did not forget me just because…

I wondered then if all would forget of my sadness and pain

Now it’s all I can do to refrain

Speaking of this tragedy I thought unbecoming,

No one wishes for a life of misery and abuse

Now I wish to tell my story running

…& stop being a recluse

A life lived and now passed

A young life no longer set on course to crash

Now a mere memory of my continued strength,

Which some never achieve even with lives with much longer length

May God take my hand in endeavors ahead

Yet continue to remind me of the blood I have bled