Life's Motherhood Rat Race ---- Am I winning?

Life has it's ups and downs but lately the rat-race has proved to be more than I WANT to handle these days...

As I sit here thinking of our care-free weekend ahead of us without any expectations, obligations or requirements except what I, well WE want to do, I think about how nice it would be not to have to endure the rat-race of the coming week, to stay at home and live a simpler life. BUT other than the question of whether or not my immensely long to-do list will ever be complete, I ponder is it for me...?

......That is the question.....

I've given this idea much thought and discussed it and cried about it and prayed about it and pondered it and discussed it some more (why I'm writing this). Either way you are giving up something and gaining something else. It's a trade-off of the most imperative kind. But what does the future hold? What will Norah and our family NEED in the coming years? More financial solidity created by both mommy & daddy working? Or more flexible family time created by a stay at home parent?

I'm COMPLETELY torn....

On one hand I love having a career and being a part of a successful team that helps 'get the job done.' However, on the other hand I want to be home with Norah, having play dates and going to the zoo in the middle of the day (although not in the summer), able to take a breath of fresh air every now and again, go to the grocery store, etc. Right now I spend literally a few minutes in the morning smooching and playing with Norah before I rush off to work and I get 45min-2hrs on a good day with her at night. She is growing up so fast in front of me because 90% of the time during the week I'm away from her. I thought the idea of being away from her would slowly fade away with time. I know she is being well taken care of. I know she is a well-adjusted happy little girl...just wake her up in the morning and you can see the meaning of absolute JOY! However, it is MY time with her that is suffering. Suffering for a good reason? Yes! But that does not change the mommy hurt! Not at all! (these are the images that race through my head as I work)

 

 

What options do I have? What future am I setting up? It's all in question for me right now...

 

If $ wasn't part of the equation, I think this would be a much easier answer. But like 99.9999999% of all people finances do play a BIG role in this decision. I keep thinking about the article of a surgeon turned mother who quit her very successful $250K job to be a stay at home mommy. Unfortunately my job doesn't quite pay me that much but the loss of my income would still have a significant impact on our family. Whether or not our family needs me to stay at home and lose my income is a huge deal. Paul and I have plans to pay off debt, first and foremost, and buy a new home, somewhere we can have a more permanent placement in. Houston isn't a bad place to live but the Houston Independent School District leaves something to be desired. So buying a home close to the med center/not very far from downtown sounded appealing coming from Austin but it's now become somewhat of a sore point for me. A home is 'supposed' to be an asset, supposed to leave you with the pride of ownership. Instead I feel as if I made some kind of mistake by buying this home. It's been upside down in the market for the last couple of years due to the countrywide housing . Unfortunately, our area has NOT recovered enough for us to be able to sell it for what we NEED to in order to make that coveted move. So we push that off...hopefully not for much longer.

On the other hand, our debt, AKA my debt (school loans) are eating away at me. The decision ultimately to become a stay at home mom is almost out of reach merely because of the student loans I still have. Nothing like getting a good education to saddle yourself with 20+ years worth of debt right? I made a commitment to pay off my student loans far more quickly than the recommended time frame in order to save $$$$$$$$$$ of dollars in interest. It's the right decision to pay off this debt before making any other major moves...however, it's killing me that I can't stay home with my angel. Who wouldn't want to stay home with this little booger??? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>




So what's the alternative?


Well I have come up with a pretty solid one, I hope! One that I'll elaborate more about later. But I'm venturing out on my own. Starting a business so that I can be my own boss, set my own hours, do my own thing and be there for Norah WAYYYYYYYY more!

I'm going to start slow and build it up into something that can subsidize our income, all the while having my full-time job (for now) so that we can finish paying off our debt. It's amazing what you can do if you put your noggin to it! I'm so excited about the prospect of what it'll mean for our family and I feel like it'll give me the best of both worlds: some income but more importantly the freedom to be a part-time stay at home mommy!

Stay tuned for more details about the biz...