L&D & Week 1...with Elaina Marie!

Our sweet little Lainey-bug! 

As I sit here and look at little Elaina's face as she sleeps in my arms so peacefully, I can recount the anxiety and chaos that has filled the last few days...

LABOR:

Although I thought it may be sooner, we actually made it to our induction date of December 30th and were even bumped until the next day. All in spite of the fact that I had been 4cm dilated for weeks at this point and feeling contractions and pain aka 'cooter shooters' (Paul can be sooo compassionate!) for several days as well. Paul and I were anxious to meet our sweet girl. 

We waited all day on the 30th to get 'the call' to come into L&D for our induction, only to call in several times and get the disappointing news that the hospital was full of regular labors with no room at the inn for us. Heartbreaking as it was, we had them bump us to the 31st knowing that if we were bumped again a day the whole point of the induction would be for nothing and we would have to wait for labor to come on it's own. Which, as I said, I thought could have been several times before. So I think we both went to bed expecting nothing different on day 2.  When we got 'the call' at 5:30am from L&D I think we were both shocked. I started panicking right away and had to sit down several times for fear I might pass out from lack of water and food, which ended at midnight the night before. We arrived at the hospital at 7:15 for check in and we're assigned a wonderful nurse, Judy. The labor and delivery nurses are the ones that do EVERYTHING and can make your stay wonderful or horrible I guess. They checked us in, did an ungodly amount of paperwork/questions, started Pitocin and broke my water at about 9:30am. Our doctor, whom we were thrilled would be delivering our little girl, had a scheduled C-section at 9:45am and said she would be back at about 11am to check in on me. No one expected me to progress so quickly since it wasn't 'natural' labor. Well it did! Very quickly. I started having more and more painful contractions on top of each other and asked to have an epidural, which seemed like it took a lifetime to actually administer after about 45 minutes of what most might call torturesome pain. I thought I was going to break my hand trying to push up so hard on the bed to relieve some of the pressure off of my pelvis. BUT as soon as that epidural was put in my back I had SWEET RELIEF. I thought I might try to make it this delivery without medicine but I think my labor progresses too fast. It makes enduring the pain so unbearable when you can't seem to get any reprieve from it at all.

DELIVERY: 

So after about half an hour of relief, things moved quickly as my body had gone from 5cm dilated to fully complete. Luckily, our doctors C-Section had ended early and she showed up just in the nick of time. They told me I was ready to start pushing, but I told everyone that I couldn't 'feel' anything like I had with Norah so I wasn't sure how to push. But after 2 contractions and 4 pushes I must've done something right because she was here, laid on my chest, goo and all. I was a puddle of tears looking into my sweet little girls face and learning that my dad, who had dreamt that Elaina was going to have dark brown hair, was here in all her glory! I couldn't believe it! It was too easy. Distracted by the sweet baby right in front of my eyes the doctor did the rest of her business with my business and the painful part was done.

They tended to the baby, taking some measurements and giving her an Apgar score of 9, all while on my chest. They didn't take her away from me at all and I was grateful for that. I didn't want her to leave. I got to nurse her and life seemed grand.

NICU:

Right before they moved us to the ante partum department, one of the nurses noticed a slight grunting noise Elaina was making with every breath. I didn't think much of it but the nurse kept trying to smack her back to try to get her to stop. Then they decided that they wanted to monitor her in the general nursery for a little while and then they would bring her back. But instead of bringing her back to us a neonatologist came in and explained to us that they would be moving her into the NICU II area for further observation and that they would reevaluate things after about 6hrs. It was slightly unsettling although the nurses and doctors seemed to think it wasn't that big of a deal which put us at ease. About 36 hrs later and a very long night after the nurse in NICU decided 1am would be the best time to release her into our care for a few hrs, we got her back. I laid with her on my chest for hours while she just slept and that was the moment I decided that even though I didn't know her, like I KNOW Norah, that she had a piece of my heart too!

FRENULECTOMY: 

So in all the back and forth of the NICU and nurses monitoring little Lainey under watchful eye, the nurses noticed that Lainey's frenulum was shorter normal and may cause issues in a number of ways including not being able to nurse well (or at all) because they are unable to transfer milk into their mouths properly and possible speech issues later in life. So even though they released me from the hospital 24 hours after delivery I chose to stay in my room so that Lainey could continue to be evaluated in the NICU and so we could discuss cutting her frenulum with the surgeon who was still on vacation from the holiday. It turned out not to be a very serious procedure at all. Mainly because you have no nerve endings in your frenulum anyway. So the day we got released hers was clipped by the surgeon at the hospital! She is able to transfer milk while nursing now and can even stick out her tongue at us now, where she wasn't able to before. I'm just glad we realized the potential problems before they actually became a problem and that we had good nurses and doctors who noticed and told us our options.

NORAH MEETING LAINEY: 

So they finally released both of us to go home and I couldn't be more excited about going home! But there was still one more thing to do...little Lainey had to meet Norah! They are going to be best friends for the rest of their lives, at least if I have anything to do with it. Norah LOVES babies so I didn't really expect that meeting her new baby sister would be any different but the joy and warmth that it brings to my heart to see our two little girls meet is indescribable! Thank goodness we were in a good frame of mind to catch it on film... 

FIRST DAYS AT HOME: 

So I have to admit I was a little worried, ok scared, about having to wake up every few hours with Lainey as her stomach grows to be able to handle sleeping longer. And I HATE to jinx it at this point but she's doing AMAZING and actually letting me sleep. She's slept through the night the last 3 nights in a row. I really hope that is the norm and not a fluke at this point. I think Paul and I feel like we deserve it after having our super sensitive, I'm never going-to-sleep sleeper Norah! Lainey seems like a very chill little baby! She nurses well! She sleeps well! She doesn't scream when I change her diaper and only really seems upset when it's been a little too long since she's had the boob. 

Norah is also doing so well with having the new addition to our family too! She helps get diapers and throws the old ones away. If she notices her when she walks by she always leans down and gives her a little face cuddle. It's so amazingly sweet! I still can't believe we have 2 little girls. 

Stay at Home Mommy! ...it's been 6 months!

Kali Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mommy - - - 6 months in:

My sweet little Norah is a moving, grooving, fun little girl and chasing her around has become my world since becoming a stay-at-home mom! I have to admit it's not without it's challenges and feelings of being completely overwhelmed. You can't get anything done that you would like to and concentrating when she's awake is a thing of the past. At first I was afraid to take Norah out by myself; fearful that she would break down, I wouldn't know how to handle it and that people would stare and judge. That feeling slowly went away but there were other negative thoughts that set in....

I will say for the first 3-4 months that I felt like a failure as a human being. I felt like I let my family down by not being able to provide for them financially, that I wasn't taking Norah out enough, that she wasn't socializing enough, that I didn't give her enough attention, etc. I was also worried/slightly depressed about the fact that I don't get to see the same group of people everyday. No one was worried about where I was or what I was doing. However, I was mostly scared to not live up to the 'pinterest mommy' mentality, attitude and accomplishments. I have learned so much about myself and about other people in this 6-month journey. It's not about 'looking' good! I tried the the whole paint your own pumpkins for fall and decorate a pumpkin with your families hands thing this year...and you know what it accomplished??? A rotting pumpkin sitting on my mantle. I did this in hopes of appearing like that omnipotent pinterest mommy but it really just made me walk around thinking something stank like POOP in my house, which absolutely drove this preggo nose CRAZY! This was entirely representative of my attitude towards becoming a stay-at-home mom. Being a mom and a parent is about encouraging others, including your children and other moms/parents, going through what you have, are and will go through. It's about community of support that we should all give each other! I LOVE that part of it! I hope to be even more engaged with other moms and groups in the future BUT grasping that concept was INVALUABLE for me!

I am absolutely 100% sure that me not having a corporate America job is what is best for our family, in the here and now. I feel like a better person, I know I'm happier and Paul and I are elated that the one 'training' our kids how to be individuals is yours truly! So many people make it work the other way, but I see the challenges that these folks face and can only think back to how hard it was for me personally. All of the sicknesses and feeling guilty for having having to make the decision to take off work or be a mom. It sucked! I'm very humbled by the people who make it work so seamlessly and seemingly effortlessly because I KNOW that both choices have their challenges and downsides.

I do miss not having a 'real' job that I get to sit down in 'important' meetings and talk about changing the world through our role. However, with my bookkeeping/accounting business up and running I have to say that it is the best of both worlds. I get to do accounting work from home, when I have a spare second or two, and still provide a little bit of income for our family. Although I must admit that I'm very grateful for Paul's new job as Regional Sales Manager with WIKA Instruments that supports our growing little family! Without him my role as a stay-at-home mom would not be possible. He is doing so well with all the transitions in both of our lives, and I am so PROUD to call him my husband and our girls' FATHER! :)

I'm very excited to see how adding a new little one to the mix of things is going to shake things up around here! I finally feel like I have a relatively good grip on what needs to be in order to keep things moving. I feel like I've taken some of the burden away from Paul, although having a pregnant wife is not without it's own burdens. ;) Planning meals and making sure things are 'handled' as Olivia Pope would say is my normal routine. I love that I have the time to be able to plan and think about what to buy at the grocery store instead of throwing whatevers in reach in the 15 minute shopping spree in the cart because Norah's pissy and tired and I'm pissy and tired and the mentality is just to 'get 'er done'.

I went through the 'oh my goodness' how can I <3 another human being as much as I love this sweet face! But that passed, right along with the gas I've been experiencing this pregnancy. I think I could belch ANYONE under the table these days! Gross, I know! I kind of laughed when Paul went through the same worrying about his ability to love someone as much as Norah more recently; because I remember how overwhelming that feeling was and how I just realized that your heart grows to accommodate another bambino in the crazy world we call life....kind of like the Grinch!

I'm sure I'll be on a steep learning curve as this new one enters the world...but this mommy is up for the challenge and ready for anything! :)

NORAH IS 1!!!! A Video & A letter!

So my little angel turned 1 year old a few days ago and this momma is sooooo excited to have had the opportunity to watch this little girl grow in her first year of life. She is amazing in so many ways and has astounded Paul and I almost on a daily basis. I never knew I wanted to be a mother until I met the man of my dreams and most undoubtedly knew that we wanted kiddos together. I guess that's why we didn't wait very long after we got married. It felt right and we knew we were as ready as we were gonna be.

 

The journey has had bumps and bruises along the way; however, it's been the most amazing, life-changing, inspiring adventure that we've ever been through.

Here's a little video & picture representation of our journey....

Norah's 1 - - - Our Journey

O

U

R

J

O

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N

E

Y

 

And a little letter to my love:

Dear Norah,
 
My sweet little angel! You have transformed me...more than I ever thought was possible. My selflessness with you has proved more than I thought myself capable. I transformed into someone who thinks, loves & cares for you over everything else. I've learned how to juggle (metaphorically) of course between learning you, even when it means letting you cry 2 nights ago when you were fighting daddy and I to go to sleep. I was there with you...watching your every angry move & cry, crying right along with you. Your daddy and I have a world full of love to show you!!! We can't wait for the journey ahead but I felt it fitting to take a small pause in our very hectic lives right now to jot down a few feelings about this momentous occasion.

Almost 1 year ago today I was finally feeling the real contractions, not any of those Braxton hicks, that would help me push you into this world and that would let daddy & I hear that first amazing scream of a cry. My goodness you have some lungs on you. That day started our journey together as a family. We have watched you develop so quickly before our eyes and been marveling at your tenacity, drive & intelligence. You've been milestones ahead of all of my weekly baby updates and because of this daddy & my own parenting abilities have been tested at times, the first set of many I'm sure. 

Your character, your desire for exploration & food have been such a joy to watch! I'm continuously thinking of things we 'must share with Norah'! I guess that's why daddy saved you an email address norahstpierre@gmail.com so we can share things now so we won't have to store them all up...because life is going so quickly these days and we don't want to forget anything...you know old people. Thank goodness for accessibility to video, pictures and all things to document our fun journey as a family. We try to focus on the good primarily although we'll get through any of the tough times as a family too!   

I love watching you play with some of your favorite toys, the little piano that makes little star pieces fly up when you hit the keys, your drums, the random leprechaun pen that punches, your baby doll stroller & anything else you can fit in your hands...

You love bath time, except when mommy gets soap in your eyes or when daddy dumps your rinse pale on you half drowning you. Lol! As long as you are able to be free to explore and mommy and daddy are close by you are a pretty content little girl, although eating at restaurants has become quite the stressor for us lately. You do not like to be immobilized. Lol. 

You've been desperately trying to talk and have mastered just a few words, the most unmistakable and hilarious is your 'whhhhaaaT?' This seems to be your response to everything. Your first 'official' world was dada though. Your daddy was worried I would be upset that your first word wasn't momma but I know how much that man means to both of us so I'm grateful that you said that first. I was actually quite a treat for me to watch you yell it at my iPhone when we facetimed daddy who was training for his new job. You were empathic! So sweet!

I can already tell that food is going to be an awesome ongoing experiment and exploration for you and our family. You have favorites like mango, grapes, string cheese...but you've been a great eater for us most days, sometimes eating a whole pack of babyfood in 3 min flat.  Quite impressive! No puréed meats for you though and I don't blame you...that stuff is awful! 

You are still a little thing, which we assumed you would be. You're average for weight and head circumference but you're kind of a little shorty, only in the 12% percentile for height on your 1st birthday! But daddy and is aren't super tall people so you for right in :)

I strive to teach you much about our world but I don't think I could give you any greater gift than to give you roots to grow & wings to fly...

 

...and I will do so until the day I die!!!

 

All of these things may interest you when you're older and curious about what you were like as a baby, much as I was curious about myself. But just know this: Norah Renee St. Pierre, whom I carried and created with your amazing daddy, I love you more than I love life itself! You are my heart! ...& the saying that I found when we were proofing your newborn photos 'Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is the decision to forever have your heart walking around outside your body!' by Elizabeth stone, is so true!  

 

I love you angel!

- Your mommy

 

Hickory Bourbon Chicken Salad Sliders, Kale Chips & Apple Chips

So I LOVE Stubb's BBQ sauce...have you tried the stuff? Mmmm! The spicy version is my absolute favorite but I made some Hickory Bourbon Chicken Salad Sliders that were pretty epic. Lol. I had these along with some homemade Kale chips and Granny Smith Apple chips for lunch. Pretty tasty!Recipe as follows:

1 can 14 oz Tyson Chicken
2 TBSP Mayo
Pinch of salt
1/8 TSP of pepper
2 TBSP Hickory Bourbon Stubb's BBQ sauce
Mini Rolls
Dill pickles or Sweet Relish

Slice in half and toast rolls. Combine chicken, mayo, salt, pepper and 1 TBSP BBQ sauce or to taste. Spread 1 TBSP BBQ sauce on toasted mini rolls, pile on a heaping layer of the chicken mixture, add dill pickles and enjoy!

 

 

Apple Chips: Slice 3lb of Granny Smith Apples, bake at 275 for an hour, turn and continue to bake at 225 for another hour and a half.

Left side has a little bit of cinnamon and sugar. Right side is just plain apples.

Enjoy!

 

Kale chips - the snack food for those that NEED crunch! Take two bunches of kale, washed and thoroughly dried. Sprinkle with 2-4 tbsp olive oil and toss. Bake at 250 for 20 minutes, turn and bake at 225 for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with salt and pepper as soon as you remove them from the oven. Enjoy!

Life's Motherhood Rat Race ---- Am I winning?

Life has it's ups and downs but lately the rat-race has proved to be more than I WANT to handle these days...

As I sit here thinking of our care-free weekend ahead of us without any expectations, obligations or requirements except what I, well WE want to do, I think about how nice it would be not to have to endure the rat-race of the coming week, to stay at home and live a simpler life. BUT other than the question of whether or not my immensely long to-do list will ever be complete, I ponder is it for me...?

......That is the question.....

I've given this idea much thought and discussed it and cried about it and prayed about it and pondered it and discussed it some more (why I'm writing this). Either way you are giving up something and gaining something else. It's a trade-off of the most imperative kind. But what does the future hold? What will Norah and our family NEED in the coming years? More financial solidity created by both mommy & daddy working? Or more flexible family time created by a stay at home parent?

I'm COMPLETELY torn....

On one hand I love having a career and being a part of a successful team that helps 'get the job done.' However, on the other hand I want to be home with Norah, having play dates and going to the zoo in the middle of the day (although not in the summer), able to take a breath of fresh air every now and again, go to the grocery store, etc. Right now I spend literally a few minutes in the morning smooching and playing with Norah before I rush off to work and I get 45min-2hrs on a good day with her at night. She is growing up so fast in front of me because 90% of the time during the week I'm away from her. I thought the idea of being away from her would slowly fade away with time. I know she is being well taken care of. I know she is a well-adjusted happy little girl...just wake her up in the morning and you can see the meaning of absolute JOY! However, it is MY time with her that is suffering. Suffering for a good reason? Yes! But that does not change the mommy hurt! Not at all! (these are the images that race through my head as I work)

 

 

What options do I have? What future am I setting up? It's all in question for me right now...

 

If $ wasn't part of the equation, I think this would be a much easier answer. But like 99.9999999% of all people finances do play a BIG role in this decision. I keep thinking about the article of a surgeon turned mother who quit her very successful $250K job to be a stay at home mommy. Unfortunately my job doesn't quite pay me that much but the loss of my income would still have a significant impact on our family. Whether or not our family needs me to stay at home and lose my income is a huge deal. Paul and I have plans to pay off debt, first and foremost, and buy a new home, somewhere we can have a more permanent placement in. Houston isn't a bad place to live but the Houston Independent School District leaves something to be desired. So buying a home close to the med center/not very far from downtown sounded appealing coming from Austin but it's now become somewhat of a sore point for me. A home is 'supposed' to be an asset, supposed to leave you with the pride of ownership. Instead I feel as if I made some kind of mistake by buying this home. It's been upside down in the market for the last couple of years due to the countrywide housing . Unfortunately, our area has NOT recovered enough for us to be able to sell it for what we NEED to in order to make that coveted move. So we push that off...hopefully not for much longer.

On the other hand, our debt, AKA my debt (school loans) are eating away at me. The decision ultimately to become a stay at home mom is almost out of reach merely because of the student loans I still have. Nothing like getting a good education to saddle yourself with 20+ years worth of debt right? I made a commitment to pay off my student loans far more quickly than the recommended time frame in order to save $$$$$$$$$$ of dollars in interest. It's the right decision to pay off this debt before making any other major moves...however, it's killing me that I can't stay home with my angel. Who wouldn't want to stay home with this little booger??? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>




So what's the alternative?


Well I have come up with a pretty solid one, I hope! One that I'll elaborate more about later. But I'm venturing out on my own. Starting a business so that I can be my own boss, set my own hours, do my own thing and be there for Norah WAYYYYYYYY more!

I'm going to start slow and build it up into something that can subsidize our income, all the while having my full-time job (for now) so that we can finish paying off our debt. It's amazing what you can do if you put your noggin to it! I'm so excited about the prospect of what it'll mean for our family and I feel like it'll give me the best of both worlds: some income but more importantly the freedom to be a part-time stay at home mommy!

Stay tuned for more details about the biz...